Phantom Tickle

Oh dear - the phantom limb pain has begun already - altho' it's a tickle rather than a pain. Tara was getting really frustrated this evening because Leggie Loo's big toe was very ticklish...even tho' it no longer exists. Thank goodness I remembered a recent news report that mirrors can be really useful - coz you're tricking the brain into believing its seeing the leg that's no longer there (coz right leg is reflected as left leg in the mirror, in case I'm not making sense!). BUT no mirrors in the hospital - apparently glass can be a hazard! So...luckily it was night-time - and I held her up, wires and all, in front of the window, so she could see her reflection. And amazingly, it seemed to help!

She's on some extra medication for her itchy, itchy skin - but other than that, she's cool - she wonders why God gave her a ticklish toe (but yikes, she had fun with that ticklish foot when it was around!) - but is totally aware that He has a reason and whatever it is, it'll "make me a better person". She was spoilt rotten with visits from Alex (thanks for helping with the wee!) and Joe and Trini who gave her her own portable DVD player...and gave us lots of laughs! It was great coz Joe said "tsk, people think they have problems - but look at Tara and you see how small your problems are" - which was a fab reality check for us. Sometimes we forget that this is a pretty big thing - coz we're on the inside where you feel so lucky to be living such an intense experience and where you're so aware that the rest of the world has far worse problems (which is all relative of course). But it was good Joe said that - coz we looked across at Tara and she was sitting on her bed, amputated leg lying in front of her, looking vulnerable and sweet and brave and gorgeous - and we got to re-realise just how big her heart and courage is, and how much we LOVE her! Stuart actually sat with Tara on Monday at her Goodbye Leggie Loo party and told her how brave she was, and apparently she turned around and said "well, you know, I am getting my leg chopped off - I have to be brave!"

She also got an amputated doll from Rehab today (no longer pre-hab!) - she's named her Kimberley and adores her, along with cuddly Pinky (from Maria & kids) who she squeezes so tightly. And she had heaps of fun sending emails to her school friends telling them how 'fantastic' her op was and that "I was a bit scared at first but then when I went in to the room where my leg was going to get chopped off, I was not scared at all". Last night she actually had such a blast writing to a friend and saying "well, it is night time here and I have no foot but a stump!" because she thought it sounded great and 'spooky'. (We'd just been reading a little book about how to be a writer - and she was taking story telling on board!). 

She had lovely conversations today - checking that Leggie Loo has gone to heaven (thank goodness Cherie had already filled me in on the answer to give to that one!) and asking me whether the doctor cut off her leg with a 'chop' sound or a 'zzzzzz, zzzzz, zzzzz' (slow saw-ing sound) - we decided it was a very careful zzzz zzzz sound coz he wanted to take care to treat her leg gently and delicately.

Cas and Jadie are just lovely - cuddling and kissing her and each other (when they're not fighting over which DVD to watch). It's so beautiful seeing Jadie be true to her emotions - she's actually asking for hugs, saying it's just a 'feeling' she has that she needs lots and lots of hugs - so we're giving them to her in bulk! (A big step for a little girl who usually prefers to play up for attention than reveal how she's really feeling. Makes us very proud of her - this week has been soooo good for her. And Cas just is a natural Mother Teresa for sisters-in-need!) 

Tomorrow they're gonna start weaning Tara off the epidural...plus we've been warned that Grumpy Tara is gonna make an appearance very soon. Argh! One day at a time! Tone's doing sleepover with Tara tonight - so I can't upload any new pics (coz I don't know how to) so today's pic is a blurry one from Monday instead!